my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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