God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
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Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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