ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
