She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
