i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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