well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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