So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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