Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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