I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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