I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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