If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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