fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
