you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I think I am morally bankrupt
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
