...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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