you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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