yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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