i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
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a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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