He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
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Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
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Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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