his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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