If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just blew my weed a kiss
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
