you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
