My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
