i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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