Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
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