i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
