She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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