wake up i wanna do it froggy style
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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