I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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