i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
