So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
