i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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