But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
worst night to have a conscience
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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