party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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