I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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