The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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