I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
