There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i believe in u and ur pee
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
