i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
