Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
