This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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