Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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