The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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