The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
