East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
