Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
