i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
