Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
