love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
