I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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