I hope mine doesn't look like that
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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