I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
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She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
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We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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