there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
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