This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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