Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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