WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
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Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
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Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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