the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
