just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
