Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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