but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
