dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
