U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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