A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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