There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
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So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
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Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.