She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
