How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
