perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
