How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
